By Today’s Flyover People column as seen in The Emporia Gazette:
Photo from kolacherolfs.com (College Station, TX)
ONE KOLACHE TOO MANY
If you’re not over-consuming calories this month, then you’re just not trying. Sugar, butter and chocolate are all over December like needles on a Christmas tree.
You may find treats at work, at parties, at family gatherings. Holiday sweets may exist even in your memories. If you’re like me, you maintain a dessert folder in your brain.
This time of year I always open that folder and recall Christmas stollen, a German bread-like fruitcake. One year, maybe it was 1992, some friends gave Dave and me a loaf of this holiday bread with its candied fruits, nuts, raisins and spices. The stollen tasted so good that even after two decades, I haul out that memory every year.
The mix of flavors I can’t exactly remember, but it was impressive enough to leave an imprint. I’m not much of a baker and won’t actually make it, but I did look at the stollen recipe in “Prairie Meals and Memories,” by Carolyn Hall. In her book she offers recipes and tells stories about her childhood in the rural community of Olmitz, located in Barton County.
Hall writes that her father was frustrated because her mother could never make Christmas stollen exactly the way his mother did. But perhaps his wife simply could not compete with a memory.
Also in Hall’s book, I came across her recipe for the German pastry, kuchen. Although the preparation is somewhat different, Hall notes that the ingredients are the same as for kolache, a Czech pastry.
Now this is where I always run off the track: kolaches. It’s silly, I suppose, but even after thirty-some years, whenever I think of kolaches, my faces flushes with shame.
When I was about 15, I babysat for a family across the street. They lived in the tiny rental house for a year or so. The father was a psychologist at Larned State Hospital and the thing I remember most about Ray was that he did pushups on his lawn after dark. They were nice people; Becky treated me like a friend and we got along well. Their children had Nordic names, Kirsten and Erik.
One evening I was called over to baby-sit. Before they left, Ray proudly showed me his baking project; he had made kolaches. There were five on a large plate. As they left for the evening he said, “Help yourself. And let me know what you think.”
They were large round pastries, with a couple tablespoons of fruit filling in the center. After they left, sure, I tried one. It had apricot filling and it was so good. My taste buds were satisfied but yet I wanted to give the baker my full support and encouragement, so I had another. It had poppy seed filling and I spit that out into a napkin and threw it in the trash can.
When they came home, Ray looked at the serving plate and saw two empty spaces.
“You had two?” he gasped. “It took so long to make them.” I thought he was going to cry.
Well, I was just a kid and had misread the situation. My grandmother measured her baking ability by whether or not we took seconds. And I probably assumed they had more kolaches hidden in a kitchen cabinet.
I felt bad and I’m pretty sure I avoided that family for a long time afterward.
Ever since then I’ve cringed every time kolaches came to mind. I’ll remember my overindulgence and my innocence and know that sometimes trying to do the right thing ends up being the wrong thing. I felt like I had stolen the joy from him and I’ve carried that uncomfortable feeling for decades.
Maybe Ray, wherever he is now, remembers the incident too, but probably it’s been long forgotten. In any case, it’s time for me to let it go and enjoy kolaches without the guilt.
Yeah, it’s ridiculous to have carried that moment as a bad memory for so many years. And Christmas, the season of joy, is good time to let it go.
I’m sure we all hold onto useless scraps of darkness, of guilt or shame. When we release the unpleasantness from our memories, we are able to shine more brightly. And, we are free to eat more kolaches.
Copyright 2011 ~ Cheryl Unruh
Great Story Cheryl— Years & years ago when we were planning on buying a motel– we went to visit a family who had owned it years before– & were successful when they owned it– She said to me– Honey if you buy this motel– you will never ever have a full nights sleeep again– you won’t be able to sit down & eat a meal again–you will work 7 days a week & never have a day off & you won’t ever be able to bake kolaches again!!!! Well I didn’t think any of that applied to me– & had no idea what kolaches even were– :)) BUT I found out she was correct about everything– & one day she & her husband came to visit us when we did own the motel & she brought me a huge platter of kolaches– she said– these are for support & encouragement!! I ate the whole platter full!!!!!!!!!!!!! :))
I’m with you, Cheryl. I would have taken and eaten a second one, too. However, I would have probably eaten the whole plateful!! My friend, Jeanette, had a mother who would make them and I know we ate more than just one at a time!
It was their fault! Help yourself means have as much as you want because we’ve had all we want, or we have plenty. If they were that dear, they should have put them away and put one out for you. That’s nuts.
Kolaches were my mother’s special baking project – she didn’t make them often, but when she did, they were spectacular. Wilber Nebraska, near us, has a Czech fest every year where you can get some of the best kolache(s) anywhere. But not the prune ones. Those are nasty.
A few years ago, I was invited to a Chinese New Year celebration arranged by many of the local Vietnamese immigrants living in the area. I brought my young son and we enjoyed the fireworks and dragon dance. We were also provided a plate of food and my son ate both egg rolls within minutes. An older man/server walked by and noticed his plate and commented that “little boy likes egg rolls.” He soon came out of the kitchen with an entire plate of egg rolls and sat it down on our table. A friend explained that the custom was to leave some food on the plate to ensure prosperity for the new year… The old man apparently didn’t want the New Year’s prosperity to be ruined by the hungry kid, and provided another plate of “insurance.”
Cheryl, the German Stollen will be related to the Duch one.
Have a look at http://www.thedutchtable.com and look up the Kerststol.
Thanks, Cheryl, now I know some long-forgotten, similar faux-pas will come to my mind tonight and I too will feel the guilt;~) Who among us does not have a similar story? Few of us tell it so well, though.
Sometime you have to try my green chile cheese kolaches. Yum!
Ah yes, old guilt, old shame, burning cheeks….. Confession is good for the soul they say. Put it away and enjoy! You are goodness multiplied many times Cheryl and very loved in this world.
That said, as I was reading I kinda knew what was coming. I cannot imagine why he did such a thing. Mary was right. You offer people food and tell them to help themselves, that means, “have at it, enjoy as much as you like.” And that applies to kids too.
What I hope comes across in this piece is… expelling the senseless guilt and shame we carry – some of it ridiculous, like this memory. So I was just writing about letting go of that stuff, and I don’t want to put blame anywhere. Ray, the kolache-baker, and I were just human beings reacting in the moment. Honest reactions. But if anyone is responsible for anything, it’s me, for choosing to carry unnnecessary shame into the next moment, into adulthood, into the 21st century. 🙂
Cheryl, actually, I understood that. I think that my reaction was based on remembering that kind of thing happening too. And the fact is, he may have felt bad later for saying that. It’s all intertwined.
oh, this made me smile. We had both Stollen AND kolache at the Finger house this Christmas weekend. And they both vanished quickly. Mom was wise enough to bake some extra kolache for those who took a second…or third…or…….