you tell me
In next week’s column, I mention a piece of advice a boss gave me when I was in college. It was just common sense, everyday advice, but remembering her suggestion got me thinking about advice we might give to a 19-year-old.
Is there something you know now, that had you known at age 19, would’ve made a world of difference for you?
OK, we’ve all become the people we are because of the experiences we’ve had, good and bad, so I don’t want to negate any of those things, but still…. what do you know now that you would you have liked to have known then?
Maybe something that would’ve helped you view the world a different way.
Maybe something that would’ve made your life abundantly easier.
What potential life-altering advice would you give to a young adult?
Filed under: yabbering on October 1st, 2008
Advice I’d give to a 19 year old maybe wouldn’t mean a lot. I remember being 19, and I had older friends who tried to give me advice. But back then I knew better and more. Oh the wisdom of youth! I had an abundance of the stuff. If only I could be as smart today as I was back then. sigh…. It’s embarrassing to look back sometimes.
As I answer this question, I think I’ll answer it as though I can go back in time and tell myself. Maybe I’d be able to explain to myself in terms I’d understand. Maybe not.
I think I’d tell my 19 year old self, or my 23 year old self, “It’s going to be okay.”
I’d want to tell my young self that I’d learn from my mistakes and that some of my most awful mistakes would lead to some of the best things in my life eventually.
Without one or two of my worst mistakes I ever made, I doubt I’d have met Larry who is the light of my life.
So, I guess my advice would be, “Learn from your mistakes. Forgive yourself and others. Try to do good. And enjoy your life on whatever terms it presents itself.”
That’s what I’m thinking tonight about your very thought provoking question.
I guess what would have helped me to know at 19 was that things would be okay if I just kept working on life.
All that said, can I tell you my two biggest mistakes? They tie in together.
My first big mistake was quitting college. That goes without saying that that is a mistake.
My second biggest mistake was marrying my abusive first husband.
But if I hadn’t quit college I wouldn’t have married my first husband. If I hadn’t married him, I wouldn’t have had Tim.
And Tim is one of the lights of my life.
If I hadn’t quit college, married Jim, and had Tim, I likely would not have been at the weird party where I met Larry.
So, quitting college and marrying the wrong guy ultimately lead me to Larry and he married me and he’s adopted Tim as his own son. Win Win Win for all of us. Then we had three more babies. Six wins in a row there!
Now, I’m not saying anyone should quit college! Nosireee, do not quit college. I’m just saying that even though I made those two huge mistakes, I kept plugging away and things turned out better than I ever could have imagined back when I was quitting college.
I think I would share strongly that threads of seemingly useless knowledge and understanding coalesce later in life and make sense. Yank every thread you can.
Growing up in a loving, supportive extended family I had/have self-confidence and self esteem issues I understand today better than I did as a youngster, later young adult. I think many have this restraining dynamic in their psyche.
Layers of logic overcome some of these issues and organize the threads of understanding and comprehension. Understanding ones self.
I feel like I was a teenage/twenty-something wasteland. Thirty-something was much better.
Take risks, be adventurous, believe in yourself, you can do it.
I think that’s what I’d tell a kid. “Believe in yourself” has been said so much, that it’s just empty words anymore and means nothing unless you take the time to determine what it means for you. And it means something different at every age.
But I think it’s important for a young person or a person of any age to ask, “What do *I* want?” and to go after it and not let others or the world sway what you really believe in. Don’t sell out on yourself.
“My first big mistake was quitting college.”
Ditto!
Finish College, that’s what I’d tell a 19 year old. My life would probably be completely different so, I wouldn’t change that now but, I sure wish I had finished years ago.
It’s hard to tell teenagers anything, because they already know so much - tee hee - but what I’d tell a 19-year-old is “don’t waste your time”. I’ve made some boners in my life, but the one I REALLY regret the most, was wasting a lot of my younger years and not realizing how quickly time passes. I look back 31 years to when I was 19 (you do the math), and the years went by so fast! So if I could go back, knowing what I know now, I would have made better use of my time and be a lot further along than I am. I also agree with Heineken that knowledge is NEVER useless.
A year off between high school and college can be a great idea or it can mean that you never get around to going to college. It’s hard to go back to school once you’re out of that mode and real life has taken over. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. “Real life” can be so much better than that college experience you always imagined, but if you want that extra education you’d better pursue it pretty hard before life gets in the way.
It’s difficult for someone without a college degree to get a job they truly want rather than a job that will just help them get by. It doesn’t seem to matter what your IQ is or what your capabilities are, people want to see that piece of paper proving it before they let you in the door. You have to weigh your priorities. If college is not your first priority, but you’d like to have that dream job some day or at least be qualified for something beyond day care worker, waitress, or exotic dancer, you’d better make it a second or third priority while you’re young and have less responsibilities.
If you’re young and in love and marriage and a family are at the top of your priority list, don’t regret it for a minute. If you can get the education you want while raising that family, do it. If you can’t, put almost everything into where you are and what you’re doing right now, but only almost everything. Save a little space in your heart for your own dreams. Feed those dreams in little ways that you can afford. Teach your children to dream and hold onto a dream. Lead by example. Find joy in now and hope in later. There is enough time to give yourself to others and the time will mean more if you do. There will still be time left for you and for following your own dreams, but you will have to make that time when the time is right.
I’d tell my 19-year-old self, or any other self, many interesting things.
Learn to know yourself. Do what you want as long as nobody gets hurt, including you. Rejoice in all the remarkable people around you even if they seem very different than you.
See as much of the world as you can. Eat something totally weird at least once a year.
Don’t worry too much about what other people think and say. They aren’t living in your skin.
But be kind. Above all, you’ve got to be kind….